This past summer, everyone was buzzing about the new movie, “The Fault in Our Stars.” Even so much, that we made it a requirement for our students to read the book while we went on our college road trip. As the leader of the trip, I was given a book just like my students. I was supposed to read it too (shhh, I didn’t even open the book). I am such a rebel.
There was a part of me that wanted to watch the movie because I knew it was going to hit close to home and a part of me didn’t want to watch the movie because I knew it was going to hit close to home. Well, I finally gave in last night and I practically used a whole box of tissues.
There was a point in the movie where Hazel Grace was sharing the eulogy she wrote for Augustus. Augustus wanted to view his funeral and be able to hear Hazel’s words. Both Augustus and Hazel knew that their days on earth were few. So they loved lavishly, experienced life abundantly and took in every moment with each other.
When I was in Michigan, going through all my health challenges, I kept a journal of my thoughts and prayers. One night, my emotions were so raw that I wrote an entry as if my time on earth was so few days:
September 1, 2013
“Could this be my last journal entry? What would I write about?
I would write about my thankfulness for the people God has surrounded me with. Whether they were in my life for only a season or witnessed my whole life.
My parents, what isn’t there to say about them. So selfless and God honoring. They drop anything they are doing to help me. They have been my rock through all my health problems. They have taught me that Christ is real and our one true God.
My brothers…they couldn’t be more opposite (well kinda). Kevin has the biggest heart and always loves having the family together. He is a free spirit that loves like no other. Although it took Bryan and I several years to become friends, I am now SO comforted by his brotherly attributes. Always concerned with my happiness and my well-being. He also has a HUGE heart (it’s a Barth thing).
My family has been everything I have needed. I would tell them to not feel a lose that I am gone. But know that I am in a place where there is no suffering. I am free, with Christ, dancing with the stars….
….My heart (she) is weak, almost exhausted. She has had the strength to push through so many obstacles. She has been the reason I have had a blessed life.
God, hear my cry and search my soul. I am not ready to go. I selfishly want to experience more of life…
Please heal my heart. “
It doesn’t matter if you have had cancer, or your parents divorced, or you have a heart condition, or you have lived a semi-comfortable life…we ALL go through moments of uncertainty. But no matter what season of life you are in, never forget that the God of the universe knows you by name and loves you. It is Jesus that gives me peace in every situation. Through him, I will be able to love lavishly, experience life abundantly and take in every moment.